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Episode Reviews Reviews

Feature – The Eye of Newb – GoT: Season 2 Episode 2

Editor’s Note: “The Eye of Newb” contains spoilers from the episode listed. If you have not watched the episode written about, you have been warned. But as Matt has not read the books (as of yet), you do not have to worry about future spoilers. Enjoy!

The Eye of Newb: Game of Thrones (HBO) Season 2 Episode 2: \\The Night Lands\\
By: Matt Lynch

“There are no goats, Half-man.” – Shagga

Welcome back, Friends!  The late, great St. Douglas Adams once declared with authority his abiding love of deadlines, especially the little whooshing sound they made as they flew by.  A sage, a visionary and a speaker of great truths was he. ‘Nuff said.

Buckle up and ingest the snark, my gentle snowflakes…

 

Part the First, wherein a waterway is soiled and a Kingsman is very nearly circumcised on horseback.

 

  • We open with a gentle pastoral creek, the tinkling of flowing water our sole companion.  So relaxing… Albeit not for a wary, even jumpy, Arya.  Wait, wait, that’s not water! It is tinkling, though.
  • Jaquen holds promise, as opposed to his two ‘scared straight’-inspired cage inhabitants.
  • I might pay to see someone shave a spider’s arse. Call it a character flaw.
  • What you couldn’t pay me enough to be right about now is this: Gendry.  Seems he is now relying on a den of greedy snakes for his own safety.

Part the second, wherein an arachnid pays a social call, and dietary habits provide an amusing allegory.

  • Woot! The whistling wee man greets the ears… Impness!
  • “Something tells me that Lord Varys doesn’t like fish pie…” Indeed! Snicker.
  • Love the menace fairly dripping from Varys’ jowls as he compliments his own confidentiality.
  • Only to be topped by Tyrion’s “where your friends are concerned.”
  • The fangs truly come out in the exchange at the door.  “…the big fish eat the little fish and I just keep on paddling…” – a definite runner-up for line of the night.

Part the Third, wherein Cersei shows her rending skills yet again and another threat of cold winds or some such rears its ugly head.

  • Cersei is a world-class bitch with an aching heart.
  • Woot! Zombies at the wall! Oh never mind, this scene is all talk-talk, not burn-burn.

Part the Fourth, wherein farts (as always) are funny, and Samwell Tarley is (as always) a moon-faced git.

  • Wrestling with Violet, eh? So that’s what the kids are calling it these days.
  • Uh-oh, Moon-face has fallen for the toothy damsel in distress.
  • What does happen to the boys? I wonder. Could this be, oh what’s the word… foreshadowing. Bah.
  • I will give Sam credit for clearly stating that you can’t steal a person. He does offer the most human perspective this series has to offer, even if he is a soft and whiny moron.

Part the Fifth, wherein we all feel a mite thirsty and the latest Red Waste christmas toy is revealed – hey, Kids, it the one and only Head In A Saddlebag!

  • Props to the acting in the segue.  I actually felt somewhat parched in my own family room.
  • Yeek. Justice is swift and harsh in the Waste. Imagine if all the locals carried Colt Peacemakers.  Why, it’d be… Arizona.
  • Klingon again?! Make them stop. Please?

Part the Sixth, wherein Theon partakes in a little shipboard nasty, and has sex as well.

  • Well, old Theon’s a bit full of himself, and the “hard men” line was groan-worthy.
  • Okay, so I’ve bitched and moaned about Bubba Snow-Tep for a while now, but honestly I’d watch a full hour of that stiff, sullen bastard rather than put up with ten more seconds of the Ego King, here.

Part the Seventh, wherein the cutscene is absolutely priceless and sausage drippings steal the show.

  • For some reason, Elvis Costello leaps to mind, although detectives works much better than perverts, phonetically.
  • Not sure whether to cringe or giggle at the wiping and kissing. Perhaps both.
  • “Poorly handled.” Bwahahahaaa!
  • Okay, so Joffrey made Ros cry, and now Littlefinger is threatening to sell her into horror and death. The one must die, and the other must not remain long in this world if he makes good on his veiled threat.

Part the Eighth, wherein Bronn gets a promotion and the Imp culls the Queen Regent’s herd.

  • Dinklage. Award. Stat. Seriously.
  • Never, ever, ever call Tyrion a dwarf. Good to know.
  • Good old Bronn’s coming up in the world, despite his complete lack of scruples.

Part the Ninth, wherein genitalia and urination feature prominently, and Gendry reveals that he is at least as observant as we are.

  • No way that wide-eyed waif is a gutter rat. Or a boy. Sorry.
  • Well, the companions are officially co-conspirators now.  ‘Bout time.
  • Ha! Gendry is a fairly chivalrous joker.

Part the Tenth, wherein the Ego King gets his comeuppance, Iron style, and a mystery woman makes her entrance.

  • Awww… guess you’re not all that, are you Theon? You’re so loved that no one cares that you’ve returned.
  • See, this old guy here on the docks is the closest to my people I’ve seen thus far in the series. If only he’d spat on Theon’s shoes, the scene would’ve been complete.
  • But wait, who’s this young lady fan from nowhere? Fishy.
  • Theon literally can’t help himself, can he? Even when he’s so clearly being tested. I mean, there’s swagger and then there’s idiocy.
  • Holy crap! That’s a fireplace.  Release the Kraken!
  • Queue tender reunion between a dad and his boy. Can I have one, just one, reason to give a single s–t about any of these people?
  • Oh, so THAT’s what “I just unwittingly fingered my own sister” face looks like. Eewww.
  • Discord, and another self-declared king. Goody. Can we get back to the murder and mayhem again?

Part the Eleventh, which has pirates! Well, okay, pirate. Just the one really. But he has got a sweet accent, and is walking proof that Westeros is multi-cultural after all.

  • I like this pirate’s aspirations, and his general demeanor… and his take on religion. This dude’s got potential.
  • Oh, great, sonny boy is a proselytizer.

Part the Twelfth, wherein the Lannisters have a wee spat, we learn that Joffrey is a psycho, and Cersei reveals the source and depth of her hatred for Tyrion.

  • Ouch.  I mean, really. Ouch.
  • What is this stirring in me? Sympathy? For Cersei? I’ll need a wash after this.

Part the Thirteenth, wherein Stannis plays with toys and a wicked redhead toys with Stannis.

  • Who does this evil witch want burned?
  • Apparently freaky sorceresses want babies, too. Huh.
  • If I had to pick a place for a roll in the hay, an iron table filled with action figures would not be high on the list.

Part the Last, wherein another infant meets a grim fate, and Bubba Snow-Tep meets a blow to the head.

  • No. Don’t go into the woods alone, Snow, you dumbass! Haven’t you seen a single horror flick, or are you really that dense?
  • A baby-snatching Yeti? Wait a minute… maybe I could get back into this series after all.

Well, the Newb has never been one to waltz around the wisteria or otherwise call it differently than he sees it, Dear Friends. That episode? Not much there there, if you catch my drift. I suppose we’re still firmly hitched to the old Exposition Express for another couple of weeks.  Despite my better judgement, I guess I’ll take that ride.

 

Cheers, All!

 

 

 

 

 

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Beyond The Wall Podcast

Beyond The Wall – Season 2 – Ep. 0

Welcome to “Season 2, Episode 0” of SpecFicMedia’s Beyond The Wall – A Game of Thrones Podcast. This podcast focuses on a weekly discussion of the HBO series “Game of Thrones,” with additional discussions of the various media tied to George R.R. Martin’s fantasy series “A Song of Ice and Fire.”

In this episode we discuss what we expect from Season 2 of HBO’s Game of Thrones television series.

Season 2 – Episode 0

P.G. Holyfield moderates this week’s panel discussion with Chooch, Vivid Muse, Christiana and Nutty.

Hosts:
P.G. Holyfield (author of Murder at Avedon Hill and SFM Founder
Nuchtchas (Host of Nutty Bites Podcast)
Chooch (Into the Blender Podcast Co-Host, and bassist of Ditched By Kate)
Vivid Muse (Into the Blender Podcast Co-Host), Girls’ Rules Podcast Host)
Christiana Ellis (too many podcasts to list here 😉 but you can check out all things Christiana at her site.

Contact Us:

Email: btw at specficmedia.com
Phone: 6199-BTW-GoT (619-928-9468)
Comments: On the site

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS | More

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Author News/Announcements Author Video Authors Events News TuacaCon 2011

TuacaCon 2011 – Vivid Muse

Vivid Muse photo

Vivid Muse photoViv is the co-host of the now four year old Into the Blender podcast with her husband Chooch, and her occasional all-female podcast is called Girls\\™ Rules. She is a contributor to the SpecFicMedia site, and co-host of their Beyond the Wall Podcast, which discusses the HBO Game of Thrones series. Her personal blog is called Vivid Musings.

Viv has been a panelist at Balticon for 3 years and Dragon*Con one year. She is the Manager of the TuacaCon Musical Guest of Honor, Ditched by Kate.

Viv started up Vivid Muse Creations, LLC this year to support all the amazing creative types she’s met over the years. The first major undertaking is launching a small publishing house that will release a breast cancer anthology next summer, with all proceeds going to breast cancer charities. They are accepting written and artistic submissions until December 15, 2011.

Pocket Mom Forever!

Viv will be providing a reading of the story that inspired the anthology during TuacaCon.

Categories
News Television

Game of Thrones 16-Bit Sendup

An animated short based on the hit HBO show “Game of Thrones” in the style of a 16-bit RPG for SNES, created for CollegeHumor.com.

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Episode Reviews Reviews

Feature – The Eye of Newb – HBO’s GoT Ep. 10

Editor’s Note: “The Eye of Newb” contains spoilers from the episode listed. If you have not watched the episode written about, you have been warned. But as Matt has not read the books (as of yet), you do not have to worry about future spoilers. Enjoy!

 

The Eye of Newb: Game of Thrones (HBO) Season One Finale: \\Fire and Blood\\
By: Matt Lynch

\\Do you lie awake at night fearing my gash?\\\\“ Varys the Spider

 

Well, Good People, nothing like opening on a crimson-stained cutlass to get the old blood pumping. After the pace, punch and depth of last week, it felt almost as if the finale was, in fact, a compelling epilogue.

But before we venture thataway, Friends, the Newb must relay some well-deserved and grateful thanks, and a brief poll.

First, the thanks:

Dear Landlord, thank you for pushing me to contribute, for lending me the canvas to fill, and for being an all-around righteous dude.

Good People, thank you for granting me your orbs, your thoughts, and your kind comments. I sincerely mean my appreciation of your reading, ingesting, responding, and even (lookin\\™ at you Patman\\¦) editing where needed. While I most often write for an audience of one, it has been my distinct privilege and honor to have you all along for this particular ride. Gracias.

Mr. Martin, thank you for a hell of a tale into which to sink my fangs.

And lastly, but certainly not the least, to my Lovely Missus, thank you for your patience and support \\“ watching and re-watching episode after episode all while your beloved tap-taps on the old laptop down the couch can get a bit tiresome. I thank you, Love, for graciously encouraging said tiresomeness.

Now, the poll:

As all good things must come to their eventual end, so must this season of Game of Thrones. After watching the full season largely on a dare alone, the Newb finds himself extremely tempted to pick up the books and begin to read. It may be the only way I can sustain myself for the full year until the show picks up again! I mean\\¦Spring 2012?! That\\™s just cruel.

But, as I know my role, I will humbly submit my fate to a vote of the viewing public. If you have read and enjoyed my scrabblings over the course of this season\\™s run, would like me to abstain from the books and continue my neophyte reviewer status into spring of 2012, please leave a comment below with an AYE vote somewhere in its body. If, contrariwise, you have not enjoyed, found value in, or otherwise cared one whit about this drivel (and that\\™s perfectly fine, BTW), please drop a comment below with a NAY in the body. Majority rules, and the polls will stay open until the Landlord kicks your ass out. Gracias, again, Friends.

 

So, where were we before I so rudely interrupted myself? Ah, yes\\¦ a crimson-stained sword, and the curtain falling for Game of Thrones, season one. But a curtain that is woven with such marvelous beauty!

Fer\\™instance, how about Ros and Grand Maester Pycelle? Holy crap, Good People! That was ingenious. The scene at first seemed superfluous and a mite icky, but after it all played out, it made two very salient points crystal clear and further illuminated a third known fact, as well.

Point One: The clever old bastard has been feeding Baelish the daft and doddering line for years through regular visits with Littlefinger\\™s whores/spies.

Point Two: The calisthenics, and especially the last-minute adjustments in posture, reveal that the Grand Measter is far spryer than he would have the Council or the Court believe. He\\™s every bit the fake that Baelish is, and one hell of a canny survivor. In fact, while Varys may have been the one brought up among actors, Pycelle could probably give him a good run for the money.

Fact Three: Ros has a superlative posterior. Just sayin\\™.

And how about Tyrion as King\\™s Hand?! This sets up a tricksters\\™ Battle Royale among the Imp, Cersei, Baelish and Varys, with an unhinged, immature Joffrey as the downcard disruptor. How freakin\\™ cool is that?!

And of course, there\\™s the smokin\\™ hot (literally), empowered and oh, so very naked Dany, replete with her new pets\\¦ but we\\™ll get to that in a bit.

For now, on to other thoughts\\¦

  • I knew that Arya\\™s constantly being mistaken for a boy would creep back into the narrative, but didn\\™t see \\˜Arry the Orphan in her future. Yoren is rough but kindly protective, and as the braggadocio about killing fat boys reveals, the young Miss Stark should be fine. I\\™d still like to read her story.
  • Okay, this damn three-eyed crow is really starting to piss me off. That said, at least it had a contiguous role in the plot this time, and a dream guide.
  • And the wolf in the dungeon almost made me crap my breeches on the couch.  Something that fearsome really shouldn\\™t be named Shaggydog.
  • What is it with this youngest Stark kid, hanging around in the shadows and issuing cryptic (no pun intended) and bleak statements seemingly from nowhere? Kid needs therapy.
  • Poor, poor Catelyn. No time to grieve, as much as she may need to.
  • And Robb, my boy, it just got real.
  • The bard scene seemed truly superfluous. If anyone doesn\\™t know by now that Joffrey is a cruel and inhuman prick who thinks nothing of maiming those who only joke about him and his family, they haven\\™t been paying attention. Assigning the deed to Ser Ilyn was a particularly sadistic touch.
  • Push him, Sansa! Push him! Dammit, Hound. Let her push him! Let\\™s hope that Robb does give Sansa this little (long string of expletives deleted for propriety\\™s sake)\\™s head. Hatred is too weak a feeling to adequately cover Joffrey.
  • Then again, if Sansa had just left when Ned told her to\\¦
  • It\\™s captain blowhard again, and this time he\\™s so enamored of Robb that he declares fealty to the new King of the North. A little time alone with a direwolf changes a man, I guess.
  • Love the exchange between Robb and Theon Greyjoy, tho. Very Braveheart.
  • What is it with the Lannisters and their perfect villainhood? \\Widowhood becomes you.\\ The perfect monologue to inspire enmity. One gets the sense that Jaime really doesn\\™t mind dying\\¦ is perhaps anticipating it with fervor. He does have a high opinion of himself, doesn\\™t he?
  • But even with such grandeur, the Kingslayer can\\™t bring himself to tell Catelyn the whole truth of Bran\\™s fall. Interesting.
  • Oh my God! Cersei really is a nightmare. She a serial relative-bedder with very poor taste in men.
  • I bet Tyrion would\\™ve appreciated half the passion that his father showed at Jaime\\™s capture regarding his own imprisonment.
  • Imp at King\\™s Landing\\¦ to rule! Marvelous! I\\™m in. And good old Dad has a new appreciation for Tyrion\\™s skill and wisdom. But he just can\\™t help himself from issuing one final intolerable rule \\“ no Shea the Whore in Court.
  • Dany doesn\\™t look so hot, and sure enough, Bruce Campbell the Wise was right about the unborn and black magic being a bad mix. The kid sounds hideous.
  • If Dany doesn\\™t look so hot, next to Drogo she looks like the after shot in as antihistamine ad, all bright-eyed and perky. The Khal has no tribe and he looks like death warmed over. A fate worse than death.
  • Not for nothing, but I told you not to trust the Godswife bitch, Daenerys. Ah well, you live, you lose a husband and a baby to dark incantations, you learn.
  • While I do not approve of the witch woman\\™s methods, I understand her motives.
  • Oh, dammit. It\\™s Snow. Again. Just when he got all interesting and human, all of a sudden he\\™s the bad-ass deserter. Yawn. Good for Samwell, however, as it seems he\\™s gestating a prehensile spine under those XXXL furs of his.
  • Good for Tyrion for defying daddy dearest and bringing along Shea the funny whore\\¦ but I\\™m guessing it will all end in tears. See, that story from last episode is the very definition of foreshadowing.
  • Samwell, despite shrieking like a small girl when unhorsed, does make a compelling recruiting officer, together with his mates. And another bit of foreshadowing as Jon Snow clutches his wolf-bedecked blade and looks every bit the leader I hope he becomes. I\\™d watch that and not be bored.
  • Ugh. Two weeks is all it takes to go from being the most feared warrior on two continents to twitching in death spasms beneath a pillow? Oh, Drogo, I am sorry. But Dany just had to be free, you see, so we had to write you off the soap opera. From awesome to pointless in 14 days. What a waste.
  • Pycelle is a damn genius, and Ros is incendiary. Simply brilliant. Especially the final transformation\\¦ visions of Ferris Bueller dance through my head.
  • The Pycelle scene is so good (IMO anyway) that it almost causes the verbal dueling between Baelish and Varys in the throne room to pale by comparison, but the allusion to playing their roles and serving a new king speaks volumes.
  • So, \\˜Arry the Orphan and the bastard Baratheon blacksmith are thrown in together on the way to the Wall, eh? Yeah, that\\™s definitely a story I\\™d read in its own right. Except for the \\˜winter is coming\\™ bit. Sheesh. Enough, already.
  • Oo! Oo! Lord Snow is armed with old steel and off to confront the zombies, the White Walkers and united Wilding tribes. Now this story is compelling and I want to know more\\¦ in the series freakin\\™ finale.
  • Are you telling me that all of those dragging, Ho-Tep bits were just there to feed the mother of all cliffhangers? You bastards. You cold, unfeeling bastards.
  • Okay, so forget the mother of all cliffhangers. Dany\\™s got your cliffhanger right here\\¦ behind her perfect breast, the idyllic, feminine curve of her shoulder, and\\¦ a baby dragon or three. Outstanding! I knew those eggs would be a factor, just not this big a factor. The balance of power has thoroughly shifted. Forget a Dothraki army. The last scion of House Targaryen has got herself some genuine dragons. I literally am blown away by this ending. How long is it until Spring 2012, again?

And\\¦ Fin. Ende. Again, Friends, my heartfelt thanks for your time and attention. I hope I have provided at least some delight, and until we meet again, I remain your faithful Newb.

 

Categories
Beyond The Wall Podcast

Beyond The Wall – Ep. 10

Welcome to “Episode 10” of SpecFicMedia’s Beyond The Wall – A Game of Thrones Podcast. This podcast focuses on a weekly discussion of the HBO series “Game of Thrones,” with additional discussions of the various media tied to George R.R. Martin’s fantasy series “A Song of Ice and Fire.”

In this episode we discuss the tenth episode, “Fire and Blood” (June 19th, 2011) of “Game of Thrones.”

Episode 10 – Fire and Blood

Vivid Muse moderates this week’s panel discussion with Chooch, Christiana and Nutty.

Hosts:
P.G. Holyfield (author of Murder at Avedon Hill and SFM Founder) – tonight, off saving the world (i.e., taking care of sick kid).

Nuchtchas (Host of Nutty Bites Podcast)
Chooch (Into the Blender Podcast Co-Host, and bassist of Ditched By Kate)
Vivid Muse (Into the Blender Podcast Co-Host), Girls’ Rules Podcast Host)
Christiana Ellis (too many podcasts to list here 😉 but you can check out all things Christiana at her site.

Contact Us:

Email: btw at specficmedia.com
Phone: 6199-BTW-GoT (619-928-9468)
Comments: On the site

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS | More

Categories
Episode Reviews Reviews

Feature – The Eye of Newb – HBO’s GoT Ep. 9

Editor’s Note: “The Eye of Newb” contains spoilers from the episode listed. If you have not watched the episode written about, you have been warned. But as Matt has not read the books (as of yet), you do not have to worry about future spoilers. Enjoy!

 

The Eye of Newb: Game of Thrones (HBO) Episode 9: \\Baelor\\
By: Matt Lynch

\\Surely there are ways to get me killed that will be less detrimental to the war effort.\\\\“ Tyrion Lannister

 

So much meat, so little time, Good People. I was justified in hoping that last week was a middle stanza. This episode was outstanding. Just plain outstanding.

First off\\¦ no blame must be cast the way of the Landlord for this week\\™s delay. That is all upon me, your chastened Newb. I could offer rationales, alibis, excuses, the whole lot, but it would serve no purpose but to exacerbate my guilt. I missed my deadline, and can only draw comfort from the sage words of one Douglas Adams: \\I love deadlines. I love the sound they make as they fly by.\\

Secondly, dammit!! Not about the whole Ned losing his head in the Sept of Baelor thing. Dammit about being forced to watch Lord Stark make the hardest, most desperate choice of his life \\“ abandoning his deeply-cherished honor in pursuit of some illusory peace for his children \\“ all to have it come to the same end the Newb suspected it would at the beginning.

Joffrey now requires a bloody, writhing, interminable death. An epic death. One that will be used to dissuade arrogant, malicious young products of incest everywhere from stealing their fathers\\™ crowns. He doesn\\™t merely deserve statistic status, or even a footnote. I want him to have a full explanatory page in the text. Bastard.

Outstanding build and ending, though. Nicely played, HBO.

On the topic of Ned\\™s carefully discarding the one thing he held most dear, can we talk about Varys for a moment? O literati, I must inquire if Varys ever plays the first-person narrator in the books. I simply must get in this cat\\™s head and poke around a bit. He says earnestly that he wants peace for the realm while simultaneously plotting to invade it with a Dothraki army. He clearly enjoys sparring with Baelish, but to what end is unclear. He is adept, duplicitous, sincere and feared by nearly all. Fascinating.

And, lastly, in the topline at least, what of the horror show Truth or Drink round in the Imp\\™s tent? I mean, that was all 31 flavors of awesome. I must\\™ve rewound and viewed every wrinkle and crinkle of Peter Dinklage\\™s tortured and drunken visage at least six times as he relates the scarring, defining episode of his character\\™s young life. Someone give this man an Emmy. Now. Not figuratively. Literally. Emmy. Now.

What an astounding and awful tale of emotional abuse at his father\\™s hand! The young maid, his first love, who turns out to be a whore, bought and paid for by his father out of pity, and in the end who turns a tidy profit by servicing Tywin\\™s entire guard. All while Tyrion is forced to spectate. Guh.

I begin to see how deep Tyrion\\™s loathing of his father runs, and in turn how he can continue to hold a fire of love for his evil freak show of a brother, Jaime. As well, it becomes intensely clearer why the Imp is both a well-known pervert and lush, all while unable to ever truly sustain love for a woman. Truly a phenomenal scene.

And all that in just the header, Friends. Now, on to other thoughts, some less magnificent, some downright loony\\¦

 

  • Varys. Need more data from behind this eunuch\\™s eyes. No doubt about it. Still creeping through the dungeons and offering water and difficult counsel to Ned. \\˜Swallow your pride\\™ is not a message Lord Stark hears well. Loved Ned\\™s line about the value of a life.
  • I must admit a giggle at the raven being shot down while leaving the castle of Argus Filch\\¦ er , Walder Frey. Nice camera work.
  • Speaking of Filch/Frey, yeek\\¦ what a piece of work. Perhaps, just perhaps, this lascivious old scumbag should stop procreating. At the very least, he should stop fondling the highly discomfited 15-year-old\\™s butt. Poor Robb, to have to marry into this vile band of backwoods bridge keepers. And worse, he must choose amongst bridal candidates that even his Mom can\\™t say a nice word about. Oh, well. Maybe he\\™ll die in battle.
  • Bubba Snow-Tep is actually starting to get interesting\\¦ after EIGHT freakin\\™ weeks! Sorry. That was out loud again, wasn\\™t it? In this episode, he intimately entwined with no less than two very delectable reveals.
  • Reveal the first \\“ Jorah the Andal, it turns out, is Lord Mormont\\™s forsaken son. Man, did he ever give up a sweet piece of Valyrian steel to go wander through horse country with some hot Targaryen waif. Why do I smell dragons\\™ flames holding back the comin\\™ winter as a theme for future stories, along with some sort of heart-warming reunion amongst bearded men of action?
  • Reveal the second \\“ Speaking of Targaryens, it appears that Maester Aemon is the son of the Mad King. Not totally relevant to the story at present, beyond driving home the solemnity of Jon\\™s pledge to the Watch, but still a cool little factoid. The Wall holds all kinds of secrets.
  • Wounds fester quickly across the Narrow Sea. I knew that cut would come to no good.
  • Okay, this whole storyline is just turning bizarre. If a witch woman can\\™t heal a simple cut, why oh why, dear sweet Dany, would you entrust her to perform dark magic to bring your Khal back from the dead at stated cost of another life?! I mean WTF?
  • Oh, and by the way, the Newb is supposed to just blindly accept that an entire tribe of horse people leaves their home on a march to the sea with not a single decent veterinarian in tow? Some single capable soul who can dress a wound or recognize and treat a fever? Really?!
  • I recognize that this is all leading to a likely death for Khal Drogo and the liberation of Daenerys and her son from their roles as part of the Dothraki Horde, but seriously, how dumb do these writers and directors think I am? Can you say contrived? C\\™mon\\¦ say it with me.
  • Oh, crap. There\\™s dark magic afoot in the Khal\\™s tent and someone has the bright idea to bring a pregnant woman in? Again, one halfway competent vet would solve all this. And not for nothing, but even the mighty Bruce Campbell would tell you that black magic and babies really don\\™t mix.
  • I do enjoy these little talks between Tyrion and Tywin. Both the tension and the disdain are palpable. This volatile mix births some of the very best lines of the series. Evidenced by this column\\™s header quote. Priceless.
  • One other thing I should\\™ve called out above, but failed to (again, way too much meat in this episode, Good People) was that the march to war scene was the perfect combination of the Imp and combat \\“ one errant hammer to the head before the fighting starts, a groggy sleep, and a \\Did we win?\\ Beautiful. Shame they didn\\™t have the budget for a full-scale battle, though. Battles are good.
  • Once it\\™s established that the Lannisters did indeed win, and handily, further that Shagga son of Dolf earned those axes he likes so much, it quickly becomes clear that the Newb\\™s prediction of a tactical swerve by Robb Stark has come to pass.
  • And Robb got Jaime! Alive! Sweet! Spike. Head. Now. Oh, no, wait, I guess the Kingslayer is more valuable alive after all. Crap. Maybe next week.
  • Ahh. The brilliant and already revealed ending arrives. While I dealt with it in some detail above, a few closing notes of sympathy:
  • Poor Ned \\“ all honor abandoned, and headless anyway.
  • Poor Sansa \\“ It\\™s the first time I\\™ve felt any sympathy for her since they killed her wolf. But, if you gonna lay down with vipers, girlie, you gonna occasionally get bit.
  • Poor, poor Arya \\“ She\\™s now in for a world of pain. It\\™s a damn good thing she had all those \\˜dancing lessons\\™. It is nice to see Yoren, BenJen\\™s other brother, rise to Ned\\™s plea of assistance and care for the youngest Stark daughter as best he can. Where she goes from here will be fascinating. I\\™d read that book by itself.
  • Poor Cersei?! \\“ Yep. Poor Cersei just got sideswiped by her beloved, snot-nosed megalomaniac. She never saw it coming. Joffrey\\™s ridiculous and sadistic move has just devastated all hope of negotiations with the North. And all this before she even finds out about her dear BrotherLover\\™s capture. Cersei\\™s in for a few rough nights.
  • F— Joffrey \\“ That\\™s right. Period. Amen. Someone needs to eviscerate this evil little twit, sharpish. Although, the one bright spot is this: based on the calculus in play so far in this series, again, by his selfish action, Joffrey has pretty much guaranteed woe to himself in the not-too-distant future. It just can\\™t come soon enough.

 

Oh, sweet tap-dancing jeebus, Friends, but did last week\\™s middle stanza deliver one hell of a payoff payload in this week\\™s show. With the exception of the Dothraki storyline, and of course Baelish\\™s woeful absence, a marvelous outing. You can officially mark me down in the \\˜Breathlessly Awaiting the Finale\\™ column. \\˜Til again we meet, the Newb abides, expectantly.

 

Categories
Beyond The Wall Podcast

Beyond The Wall – Ep. 9

Welcome to “Episode 9” of SpecFicMedia’s Beyond The Wall – A Game of Thrones Podcast. This podcast focuses on a weekly discussion of the HBO series “Game of Thrones,” with additional discussions of the various media tied to George R.R. Martin’s fantasy series “A Song of Ice and Fire.”

In this episode we discuss the ninth episode, “Baelor” (June 12th, 2011) of “Game of Thrones.”

Episode 9 – Baelor

P.G. moderates this week’s panel discussion with Vivid Muse, Chooch, Christiana and Nutty.

Hosts:
P.G. Holyfield (author of Murder at Avedon Hill and SFM Founder)

Nuchtchas (Host of Nutty Bites Podcast)
Chooch (Into the Blender Podcast Co-Host, and bassist of Ditched By Kate)
Vivid Muse (Into the Blender Podcast Co-Host), Girls’ Rules Podcast Host)
Christiana Ellis (too many podcasts to list here 😉 but you can check out all things Christiana at her site.

Contact Us:

Email: btw at specficmedia.com
Phone: 6199-BTW-GoT (619-928-9468)
Comments: On the site

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS | More

Categories
Beyond The Wall Podcast

Beyond The Wall – Ep. 8

Welcome to “Episode 8” of SpecFicMedia’s Beyond The Wall – A Game of Thrones Podcast. This podcast focuses on a weekly discussion of the HBO series “Game of Thrones,” with additional discussions of the various media tied to George R.R. Martin’s fantasy series “A Song of Ice and Fire.”

In this episode we discuss the eighth episode, “The Pointy End” (June 5th, 2011) of “Game of Thrones.”

Episode 8 – The Pointy End

P.G. moderates this discussion with Viv, Christiana and Nutty. Chooch is off saving the world, naturally.

Hosts:
P.G. Holyfield (author of Murder at Avedon Hill and SFM Founder)

Nuchtchas (Host of Nutty Bites Podcast)
Chooch (Into the Blender Podcast Co-Host, and bassist of Ditched By Kate)
Vivid Muse (Into the Blender Podcast Co-Host), Girls’ Rules Podcast Host)
Christiana Ellis (too many podcasts to list here 😉 but you can check out all things Christiana at her site.

Contact Info:

Email: btw at specficmedia.com
Phone: 6199-BTW-GoT (619-928-9468)
Comments: On the site

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: Apple Podcasts | RSS | More

Categories
Episode Reviews Reviews

Feature – The Eye of Newb – HBO’s GoT Ep. 7

Editor’s Note: The Newb “episode report” for the Game of Thrones was late this time because of me, not because of my “tenant.”
“The Eye of Newb” contains spoilers from the episode listed. If you have not watched the episode written about, you have been warned. But as Matt has not read the books (as of yet), you do not have to worry about future spoilers. Enjoy!

The Eye of Newb: Game of Thrones (HBO) Episode 7:
\\You Win or You Die\\

By: Matt Lynch

\\What we don\\™t know is usually what gets us killed.” \\“ Petyr Baelish

Aloha, Friends! Whew\\¦ what an episode. Glad I\\™m converted now, or I would have kicked myself for not wasting an hour so productively. Enough blather, there\\™s a lot of meat in this one, so let\\™s get to it.

Alas, poor Ned. We hardly knew ye. I somehow knew it would come to this. He was just too good, too just and honorable, for life in the big city, much less life among such courtesan piranha as these. Admittedly, I knew the what, but did not see the how coming. And it came exquisitely and whisper-like, as a stiletto might cross one\\™s nape. How fitting it was that at the other end of that stiletto we\\˜d find Lord Baelish, in all his primal, vengeful glee.

It pained me nonetheless, given the wonderful execution of the betrayal, to watch Cersei and that effete waste of life, Joffrey, seemingly win. I can only hold out hope that Littlefinger will play them as he did Eddard Stark, and leave them at the wrong end of a blade someday soon.

Speaking of the wrong end of a blade, er, tusk\\¦ Robert. Again, I assumed that his lovable, porcine Mark Addy-ness was going to meet a fatal accident, and I guessed right about the wine-slinging page boy, but did not see him falling to another pig. The hunt was a wonderful swerve in the story. Leaves me a with a little more investment in Barristan, as well, especially given the blanch at the end, when Cersei so cavalierly shreds the words of the King passed in favor of her own law and her own \\king\\.

So that\\™s two nice twists Mr. Martin has treated the Newb to this week, and kudos to him. The third was head-smackingly obvious once it played out last week and was affirmed by Queen Cersei in this episode. All the little blonde-headed Baratheons scampering about were sired by their UnclePapa Jaime and thus had no clear claim to the throne! The Landlord (post-reveal, natch) shared that many avid readers of the books thought HBO was just hammering this plot point into blinding obviousness, but I missed it until they intended it to become plain as day. In order to understand this miss, literati, you must first be aware of some salient points about the Newb:

  1. I am pale-skinned, tall and blonde. I\\™d blend in well in, say, Dusseldorf or Oslo. Rome or Istanbul, not so much.
  2. My Lovely Missus is olive-skinned, dark brunette, lithe and wondrous to behold. (I may be biased, but I swear this is all true and may get me some tonight.)
  3. Our amazing little offspring (hereinafter referred to as The Newblings) are pale-skinned, tall and blonde.

Thus, while I can\\™t explain it beyond obtuse theories involving Viking and Celtic bloodlines, you can see how Genetics 101 \\“ a la Lannister and Baratheon \\“ as a basis for an obvious plot point really wouldn\\™t connect deep within the reaches of my cerebral mass. So, where does that leave us, Friends?

I find myself surprised and delighted by the deceit of Littlefinger, morose at the known fact that Ned Stark is a dead man, pleasantly shocked that wild fauna brought down one of their own in King Robert, and now thoroughly up-to-speed on the illegitimate claimant to the Iron Throne that is Joffrey Lannister\\¦ oh, and his sneering Mommy Dearest. In short, this is gettin\\™ good!

The best interlude, by far, however, in this week\\™s offering was the soul-baring monologue from Littlefinger himself, and not just because of the lovely couch-dressing behind him, although Ros is still a wonder to behold and my heart leapt at the thought of her continued presence. I now, as they say, get it. His motivation is simple, lethal and elegant, much like his dagger. He plans to screw over everyone who has power in order to claim true power for himself. He has no need for crowns or thrones. He craves only control of everything within and without the Seven Kingdoms, and will deploy every faculty of duplicity and underhanded scheming he has to secure it. That doesn\\™t just appear to be a deep, dark chasm of greedy desire in the place where his soul should reside \\“ it is one! And all because he was too weak and small to get the girl in the \\honorable\\ way. What a character. What a perfect antagonist. I think I love him.

But no, not really. In fact, the only real downside to this episode is that even this newfound connection with Baelish cannot make up for what was so sorely lacking. Where\\™s my Imp?! I\\™m not sure I can go as long as a whole broadcast \\“ even one packed with as much wonder and delight as this was \\“ without Tyrion\\™s whimsical badassery. Please, HBO, don\\™t let that happen again.

On to other thoughts\\¦

  • It\\™s nice to finally meet Tywin Lannister (correction by editor, 😉 ), financier of the House Baratheon and arguably the most powerful man in the Seven Kingdoms. Yep, he\\™s an arrogant bit of excrement, although apparently a skilled cleaner and dresser of meat. Gutting and skinning a stag while on the topic of unseating and replacing the Baratheons with a thousand-year dynasty was a beautiful, sarcastic touch.
  • Is it me, or did Jaime seem oddly cowed in the presence of his father. Clearly some \\˜daddy issues\\™ there, but it\\™s hard for me to extend any sympathy. Sympathy is not congruous with wanting his head on a spike. All this despite his defense of not killing Ned after the poor man was speared through the leg by a Lannister guard. Head on a spike, baby. Not changing my mind on that one any time soon.
  • Lastly, 30,000 troops to get the Imp? The Imp\\™s just fine, and freed himself without your lousy 30,000 troops. Don\\™t patronize or underestimate the little man, Tywin. Think him the \\lowest\\ of the Lannisters at your own peril, old man. Still, it\\™s nice to know you care.
  • Ned, Ned, Ned\\¦ Quit being so forthright and earnest. Cersei doesn\\™t care about doing the right thing or following appropriate rules of succession. Cersei only cares about Cersei and maybe her little pile of puke son.
  • Interesting side note about Ned Stark not claiming the Iron Throne when he had the chance.
  • The aforementioned Baelish monologue of greatness. And for double plus awesomeness, he tells Ros: \\Go ahead\\¦ ease into it.\\ Yummy.
  • What is it with Theon and this obsession with status and title? It\\™s getting annoying whatever it is.
  • And Nymphadora Tonks just had to bring up the long night coming, didn\\™t she? Blech.  At least it wasn\\™t winter this time.
  • BenJen\\™s dead? Wow. If whatever resides north of the Wall can whack a Very Serious Dude like that, what will they do to old Tub o\\™ Goo Tarley? Then again, if the horse is still alive, they didn\\™t kill for food, and there\\™s no body. Maybe BenJen\\™s just missing. Watch me now\\¦ after all the head-spinners in this episode, I\\™m adopting a wait and see posture.
  • Well, Robert Baratheon occasionally calls one right \\“ he was never meant to be a father, or a king, really, for that matter.
  • LOVE how Ned pauses and writes \\heir\\ instead of \\son\\ during the King\\™s dictation of succession. It says everything about Lord Eddard Stark. He can\\™t even bring himself to lie in a document that will only ever be read by a handful of people.
  • Leave it to Varys to be the one to point out the obvious \\“ that the much-abused Lannister page boy might just have something to do with the King\\™s little tusking accident.
  • And hang on a minute, I thought Varys showed himself to be a Targaryen loyalist after last week in the dungeons, but it appears he\\™s already arranged for Sweet Dany and her unborn Dothraki horde-leader to be capped. What gives?
  • It appears that Khal Drogo don\\™t need no stinkin\\™ thrones, whatever \\˜dirts\\™ they might be in. Just a man and his horse\\¦
  • Did anyone else see Jorah the Andal make an anguished choice when his royal pardon showed up? That was pretty cool, and tingly with foreboding.
  • So, rather than a pardon, a poisoning and a trip home to possible glory, Jorah chooses a rescue and a furtherance of the quest to reinstall a Targaryen to the rule of Westeros. Interesting. Very interesting. Dany, herself appears to learn yet another valuable lesson in human duplicity and her own status as a permanent target.
  • Okay, even I, of the continuous and contemptuous Bubba Ho-Tep references, must admit that I\\™m intrigued by the idea of Jon Snow as a steward instead of a ranger. Especially the steward of Mr. Renton\\¦ er, Mormont. (Sorry, I can\\™t quite fit my head around James Cosmo in this role \\“ he\\™s Mr. Renton from Trainspotting, fergawdssakes.)
  • Oh, and for the record, Samwell didn\\™t entirely piss me off this week. Just mostly. Again, his character better be going somewhere. At least he\\™s clean and well-spoken.
  • And Renly makes his move. It\\™s not a bad move, actually. But Ned won\\™t make it, because he\\™s just too Ned-ly. Wonder what happens when Stannis gets that letter?
  • Wow, Baelish is a fantastic operator. And Ned is in a sorry position when he must trust Littlefinger to deliver a surreptitious and necessary requirement. Mo surprise now, given the intro to this screed, but Ned\\™s just planted the petard that on which he will be hoisted.
  • Eesh. That crying tree was creepy. Less of that going forward, please. Or stronger drinks. Whichever.
  • Now whose hand could that be? Does it even matter? One thing too many this week.
  • Whoa\\¦ I bet Robert would be glad he\\™s dying now that his attempt on Danaerys has failed and a very impressive Khal Drogo is all bloodlusty and such. And for the record, you couldn\\™t pay me enough gold dragons to switch places with that wine merchant.
  • The Landlord\\™s going to be upset about how they treated Renly again this week. What a weak-kneed chump. Propose a plot and then run off with your tail between your legs. To steal Robert Baratheon\\™s turn of phrase: That was not kingly.
  • Oh, crap. Drogo was serious about that? He appears to be riding to the sea with a naked wine merchant jogging glumly behind his wife\\™s horse. Sweet! Not about the naked, glum wine merchant. About the possibility of large-scale cavalry warfare in the near future.
  • Oh, poor honorable Ned. You were never a match for Littlefinger. The Newb is only sad to see Cersei benefit by it.

Ah, Friends. I\\™m all twisted out for one week, and lonesome for my beloved Imp. Til next time, I remain your faithful Newb…