Beyond The Wall Episode Reviews News Podcast Reviews Television

Feature – The Eye of Newb – HBO’s GoT Ep. 4

Editor’s Note: This will be a weekly report posted after each episode of Game of Thrones (except that this is obviously two weeks’ worth of fun). “The Eye of Newb” contains spoilers from the episode, obviously, but from the perspective of someone that has not read the books. Enjoy!

The Eye of Newb: Game of Thrones (HBO) Episode 4:
\\Cripples, Bastards, and Broken Things\\

By: Matt Lynch


\\Distrusting me was the wisest thing you\\™ve done since you climbed off your horse.\\- Petyr Baelish (Lord Littlefinger)

It\\™s not every day, Good People, whereupon one feels compelled to begin a screed of any kind with the utterance \\˜Well, crap.\\™ That said\\¦

Well, crap.

No, wait. Don\\™t go. I can explain.

See, one thing that is stunningly clear after this week\\™s broadcast is that I need far more and deeper data on Lord Littlefinger. Not want. Nor even desire. Need. Viscerally.

For the very first time, I exit viewing position much more than a tad perplexed and frankly a mite angry. Who profits by setting up my beloved Imp?! Seriously? I gots to know!

It was painfully obvious that his \\˜arrest\\™ at the hands of Lady Catelyn and her bondsmen left Tyrion stunned and confused.  Her accusation of his culpability in Bran\\™s attempted murder was thoroughly unanticipated. (Momentary soliloquy alert: Peter Dinklage has one of the most expressive and engaging faces I\\™ve ever seen. I must learn of, find and view whatever else he has appeared in tout de suite.) Thus, it is reasonable to conclude that the Imp had absolutely zero to do with the events of the assassination plot. If not him, who?!

This train of thought leads directly back to his identifier as the owner of last week\\™s suspect dagger \\“ the aforementioned Petyr Baelish. Why would he name Tyrion? To what end or ends? What, I ask you, has the Imp done to deserve this fate? And if naught, what game is Littlefinger playing? And why? Why?!

So, here we all are again\\¦ back at \\˜Well, crap.\\™ It would appear that despite my best efforts to stay above it all \\“ snarkily superior to this lower form of speculative fiction known as pure fantasy with political intrigue \\“ I am now what one might call, not entirely inaccurately, (gulp)\\¦invested. Crap. Epic snark fail. As I type, a small, furious part of my brain is concocting choice words with which I plan to liberally pepper my next chat with The Landlord. Rat bastard.

\\Watch the show,\\ he said.

\\It\\™ll be fun,\\ he said.


Now that we\\™ve gotten that torturous admission out of the way, on to other thoughts about this week\\™s episode:

  • Part the first: Although it holds more import when viewed through the lens of the \\˜arrest\\™ referred to above, I simply adore the interplay between Tyrion and Bran in the opening sequence. You can literally see the hope ignite in the young lad\\™s eyes when the Imp extends to him the possibility of riding again.
  • Part the second: Samwell Tarley\\¦really? This better lead somewhere. My initial wish is that someone will just grease this simpering tub of goo and be done with it. Possibly eat him as well. I nominate Aliiser Thorne, a man who has clearly developed a taste for snow-bound human. In any case, Sam doesn\\™t help Bubba Ho-Tep hold my attention at all. Zzzzz…snurk\\¦zzzz.
  • Part the third: Eeeww. Did I need to see a naked Viserys Targaryen bathing? No. No, I did not. And his proclivity to buy, sell and use human beings at whim only further convinces me that he\\™s been alive for long enough already.
  • Part the fourth: I must learn to pay more attention to these Small Council meetings, especially if such interesting and infuriating characters as Baelish continue to be introduced in them. It appears that dear, prideful King Robert has opted to disregard the first sensible counsel his new Hand has given him, and is holding his tournament anyway. Cost be damned.
  • Part the fifth: More muttering and lurking. The British fans must be so happy. Ned Stark doesn\\™t fit well discussing royal lineages with a poor imitation of Merlyn.
  • Part the sixth: Lord Stark does fit well in mentoring and doting on his daughter Arya, who is rapidly developing into a fascinating and liberated character. This girl is refreshingly self-aware and destined for big things. Bloody things. I like her.
  • Part the seventh: Gah. Tub of Goo! Simpering! Make it stop. Let Sam freeze to death, Bubba Ho-Tep. Push him off the wall. Something to keep me enthralled. I\\™d be willing to tell Sam Tarley\\™s mother I\\™d killed him in a hunting accident if it would keep him off my TV.
  • Part the eighth: Pure awesomeness. Baelish is fascinating, and so is the disclosure of the prying eyes all about the Hand of the King. On a side note, I\\™m very pleased that Aiden Gillen continues to get great roles after the Carcetti days.
  • Part the ninth: Sir Hugh. Must. Die. Soon. Arrogant prick.
  • Part the tenth: Aha! A bastard child of Robert Baratheon. Probably not first and definitely not the last. Does set up some interesting competition for the throne angles, though, when \\“ not if, but when \\“ Robert meets his untimely end.
  • Part the truly absurd device that needs to end now: As much as I loathe Robert as a ruler, I would bet that Mark Addy is enjoying portraying this large an ass (no pun intended). Part of me still does wonder where Robert Carlyle is. The chat outside the door does reinforce the notion that, despite his pretty-boy ways, Jaime Lannister was once a warrior of some stature. He\\™s also thick enough not to read intelligence delivered to the king he despises by Lord Stark\\™s Captain.
  • Wow! Waking up to a ravening wolf at your throat. Jon Snow may be dull as the Nebraska skyline, but he doesn\\™t lack for stones.
  • Alliser Thorne = Dean Wormer. It\\™s a theory.
  • Oh, sweet Dany, beat that bitch like a rented mule! How I laughed! That was thoroughly enjoyable, and produced the second greatest quote of the whole episode. Frankly, I look forward to a day that Viserys has no hands. Or head. Or lungs. Sorry, lost in thought there for a minute.
  • Oh, sweet tap-dancing jeebus! Enough with the Sam and Jon show already. Although I admire Snow\\™s choices regarding women and future progeny, he bores the hell out of me. Terminally.
  • New theory: Alliser Thorne = Dean Wormer playing a gravelly-voiced Cockney cannibal in summer stock. It\\™s a better theory.
  • It\\™s wonderful to see Daenerys finally coming to terms with the fact that her brother is suited for little more than fertilizer and has rightfully earned the life expectancy of a horsefly. Whack him, Dany. Soon. Please? For me?
  • Yay! Blood, spilled, spewed and spat. And Sir Hugh\\™s blood as well. Now that was satisfying. Plus, methinks the relationship of The Hound and The Mountain is enough foreshadowing to last about a week and a half. It\\™s even better in Baelish\\™s conspiratorial whisper. Not only is he a devious bastard, but he likes to horrify the innocent and entrap them in his schemes.
  • Part the penultimate: Cersei Lannister does not wear \\˜conciliatory\\™ well. Her color wheel tends toward a c range of cruelty, condescension and contempt.
  • Part the last: Well, crap.

I\\™m very much in for next week and beyond, now, Good People. I\\™m not saying I like this turn of events, but it is what it is. Until then, a hearty cheers to all.


Beyond The Wall Podcast Television Website News

Beyond The Wall – Promo

You know how in “The Princess Bride” Miracle Max says “It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead.”?

Well, this promo is “MOSTLY” safe for work. The worst bits are bleeped, but it’s still pretty NSFW (just like Game of Thrones), so be careful how loudly you play it. 🙂

If you are from another podcast, please let me know if you grab this promo and use it in your podcast. I’ll return the favor (or at least put your link on a special page on the site, since we don’t play too many promos).

Beyond The Wall Podcast

Beyond The Wall – Episode 3

Here is “Episode 3” of SpecFicMedia’s launch show, Beyond The Wall – A Game of Thrones Podcast. This podcast will focus on a weekly discussion of the HBO series “Game of Thrones,” with additional discussions of the various media tied to George R.R. Martin’s fantasy series “A Song of Ice and Fire.”

In today’s episode we discuss the third episode (May 1, 2011) of “Game of Thrones.”

Episode 3 – He’s a Liar and a Coward.

00:00 – Intro

00:30 – Hosts Say Hi – P.G. Holyfield, Christiana, Chooch, Viv, and Nuchtchas. We then go into general impressions of Episode 3.

3:30 – “I am your Dancing Master.” – We talk about King’s Landing. We skip around, because we can’t wait to talk a bout Syrio Forel.

5:10 – “Hey Mr. Kotter, I gotta note.” – Yes, I’m old. Syrio Forel looks like Juan Epstein to me.

7:35 – “It felt like justice.” – We like how the show is adding more layers to Jamie.

13:20 – “While your king eats and drinks and s*its and f**ks.” – Why does Robert not enjoy being king?

16:30 – “We serve at your pleasure.” – The Small Council.

26:10 – “Crows are all liars.” – Back at Winterfell

31:30 – Petyr Baelish?” – The Lannisters

More Show Notes to Come

1:24:45 – Outro

1:25:35 – Outtakes

Hosts: P.G. Holyfield (author of Murder at Avedon Hill and SFM Founder)
Nuchtchas (Host of Nutty Bites Podcast)
Chooch (Into the Blender Podcast Co-Host, and bassist of Ditched By Kate)
Vivid Muse (Into the Blender Podcast Co-Host), Girls’ Rules Podcast Host)
Christiana Ellis (too many podcasts to list here 😉 but you can check out all things Christiana at her site.

Contact Us:

Email: btw at
Phone: 6199-BTW-GoT (619-928-9468)
Comments: On the site

Movie Trailers Trailers

Movie Trailer – Conan the Barbarian

Jason Mamoa (Khal Drogo, Game of Thrones) is the new Conan. And he looks good in it. I hope the movie lives up to how good it looks.

Conan also stars Rachel Nichols (from one of my favorite short-lived Fox shows, “The Inside”), Ron Perlman, Stephen Lang, and Rose McGowan.

Articles Episode Reviews News Reviews

Feature – The Eye of Newb – HBO’s GoT Eps. 2-3

Editor’s Note: This will be a weekly report posted after each episode of Game of Thrones (except that this is obviously two weeks’ worth of fun). “The Eye of Newb” contains spoilers from the episode, obviously, but from the perspective of someone that has not read the books. Enjoy!

The Eye of Newb: Game of Thrones (HBO) Double Live Bonus Album!
Ep. 2 and 3

By: Matt Lynch

First and foremost, Good People, and my dear Landlord, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee and Thyself, respectively. The Newb knows his tardiness, and its accompanying guilt weighs upon him like a metaphorical millstone.

I was unavoidably called away on family business this past week. While the endeavor was hardly an enjoyable one, rife with the detritus of a loved one passed, it has left me with a wealth of new knowledge. My counsels to all of you, garnered through hard experience, are as follows:

  • Don\\™t drive through West Virginia in the springtime. It is a bug-pocalypse, Friends. And while the pangs of regret pass after the 37th butterfly ends its existence pulped on your windshield, the cleanup remains an epic chore.
  • Wisconsin staples, while yummy as all get out, do not reside in the healthy zone of any nutritional shape you choose, least of all a food pyramid.
  • Deciding which memory and item that still doesn\\™t truly feel as if it belongs to you will make the return trip in your vehicle, and which will stay in its attic, basement or closet of origin is not\\¦ how you say\\¦ fun. Not fun at all.

But, lessons aside, atone I must! And so, I offer a special Double Live release, featuring reviews of episodes 2 and 3, complete with The Newb\\™s very own stream-of-consciousness viewer commentary. Enter, if you dare\\¦

Epsiode 2: The King\\™s Road

\\I wish to stand on the wall and piss off the edge of the world.\\ – Tyrion Lannister

First off, may I say that I like The Imp immensely? Any man, regardless of stature, who uses dogs as pillows and bitch-slaps uppity royal brats, is a fella I\\™d hang with for a while. His taste for blackened bacon does concern me. Porkbelly breakfast products should be a harmonious mixture of crispy and chewy when properly cooked. Always. It\\™s a simple universal truth. Nonetheless, talk about your fascinating, rakish characters. I may be in for the long haul just to see where his story arc leads

Secondly, Cersei Lannister is a cold, manipulative, seemingly heartless bitch, and her end must involve some small and insatiable creatures bursting forth from her smooth and milky stomach, still chewing viscera as she expires. In short, while her, er, smaller brother is endearing an appealing, Cersei must go. Again, I\\™m in till the end if I can only see her meet a brutal, humiliating and exceedingly painful finale.

Oh, and one key cliffhanger resolved. Bran is still with us, albeit pale and largely motionless.
Jon Snow. Zzzzzzz\\¦ what? Oh, sorry. This storyline is just dull. Dull in that special brooding and sulky way that thankfully only the English have mastered. Going to the Wall, mumble, mumble. Sword, not a toy, hulk, sulk, mumble, pointy end. Blech. Just when I\\™m invested in these other characters, this plotline has to shuffle up from its stodgy but delightfully-appointed crypt and glaze my eyes over. While the possibilities embodied in your coming of age story are immense indeed, Mr. Snow, for now I dub thee Bubba Ho-Tep, the venerable zombie thread of this tangled tale.

The war stories and banter between Robert and Eddard as they wander the Kings Road, thankfully, are delightful. Perhaps it betrays my Y chromosome, but the conversation at table leaves me very curious to see Betsy the wench, and her lovingly described tits. The only drawback to the entire scene is one more utterance of the dirge-like drumbeat that something\\™s comin\\™. If it ain\\™t winter, it\\™s war, or the long dark winter, or battle, or winter or war, or possibly a really lovely autumn, or\\¦ oh, never mind. Could we get back to the blonde sadist and his poor, tortured sister amid the horde, or possibly the Imp? Please?

Aha, as if on cue\\¦ from behind? Again?! I mean, I\\™m not here to judge anyone\\™s preferred sexual position, but the repeated consummation of this Dothraki marriage has about as much romance as a below-average prison rape. The cutaway to the dragon eggs piques some interest, but otherwise that whole scene was completely unnecessary.

Woo-hoo! His Impness returns! And manages to make even Bubba Ho-Tep interesting for three solid minutes! Plus, he provides needed insight into his makeup. Brains before steel, and beholden only to his house. Not, interestingly, to his family, but to his house alone. Therein lies not only piqued interest but true hope for greatness.

Yikes. Catelyn Stark is a devoted and selfless mother, and the irony lies thick in her detesting the wolves, only to have one finish the protection she began. The \\loyal dog\\ tie-in from scene one is also nice, given the identity of Bran\\™s failed assassin.

Again, a largely unnecessary scene involving poor, sweet Daenerys in various flavors of disrobed and pampered. You\\™d think that HBO was just pimping her for the sex appeal or something. Was that out loud? Sorry. I am hopeful that with the former concubine\\™s promised counsel she\\™ll spend less time in \\˜downward dog\\™ in coming episodes.

Okay, finally some members of the House of Stark suspect what we already know, and methinks that distinctive dagger will eventually give someone away. Yay! A solid cliffhanger arises, perhaps two, as who knows if Catelyn will reach Eddard to tell him of her theories?

Erm, in truth I\\™m slightly uncomfortable watching the concubine\\™s \\lessons in love\\ while in the same room with my lovely wife. That\\™s not to say I\\™m not enjoying the lessons, mind, but I thought girl-on-girl was more the trade of Cinemax than HBO. The outcome, however, is priceless. Yes, Good People, the cowgirl position soothes the wild beast and brings the warlike horde into line. How we laughed!

Are all the Lannisters but Tyrion merely sadists separated only by gradients of spine? Seems so, and I revise my prior opinion on Cersei\\™s end \\“ it should involve a wolf. A big, nasty, ravenous, utterly unforgiving lupine.

Well, good morning, Bran! I suppose our next little twist will involve some sort of amnesia caused by head trauma. Doesn\\™t matter. I\\™m still in for the next show, and remain hopeful that Jon Snow isn\\™t. Oh, and that there are several more violent deaths.



Episode 3: Lord Snow

\\Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah\\¦ you walk.\\ \\“ Jhogo

Alright, so we\\™ve learned that Eddard is a well-rounded no-nonsense man. Simple and direct, even when it comes to wardrobe choices for a big meeting. Further, we now know that the advisors have more pull than King Robert, except when he proceeds irrationally to squander a fortune on bread and circuses. I mean, six million is a big number even for the modern age, much less one lost in the mists of time and legend such as Westeros. And to owe half that sum to as twisted a crew as the Lannisters? Yeek.

Whoa, by the way. What the hell is Tommy Carcetti doing at the Renaissance Faire?! If you don\\™t get the reference, go watch The Wire. If you do get the reference, go watch The Wire again. Best damn drama series on television. Ever. Yes, I\\™m comfortable living in the past. The upholstery\\™s nice and the chairs are comfy. Sorry, what was I saying? Despite my moment of weakness and reverie, Petyr Baelish, much like The Imp, is the kind of character I could enjoy watching operate.

Ah, Cersei and Joffrey. This is sure to turn my stomach. First and foremost, however, how come my mother never said it would be okay for me to sleep with painted whores, if that\\™s what I wanted? Oh, right… scruples. Apparently, as proven in prior episodes, Cersei Lannister is still bereft of those pesky scruple things. And Joffrey is a whiny little puke with more raw aggression than sense. Another name on the painful death list.

Kudos to Mr. Martin and the writers, says I, as the combined efforts of the Imp and the new setting of the Wall and the Watch have even breathed life into Bubba Ho-Tep/Jon Snow. I now care a bit about him, and see a possible noble path to a leader\\™s course for him. A path to redemption and greatness, lain amongst the rabble, that holds the Northlands against the unseen horrors beyond the Wall. More points scored and debts owed to Tyrion as well. Love that Imp.

The harsh contrast between the intimate and real love clearly felt by Ned and Catelyn Stark (who has reached her husband, by way of Lord Baelish, in safety and discovered that The Imp, of all people, is the likely owner of the offending dagger \\“ sweet!), and the ambitious, incestuous horror show that is Cersei and Jaime Lannister is enjoyable, as well. Hopefully this chiaroscuro will continue in future airings. It demands no eyeball turn away, especially mine.

Robert Baratheon is a really lousy king, in case no one has noticed, and I am now convinced that the wine-bearer he scorns today may well cause his downfall soon. The conversation about first kills presents some vital new information, as well. Baratheon was obviously a great warrior in his day, which will likely make his imminent downfall in combat that much more shocking\\¦I\\™m guessing. And what of the mad king\\™s parting words: \\Burn them all!\\ Curious. There\\™s some beautiful backstory hiding there, just beyond the empty wine jar.

Oh, finally! A scene involving sweet Dany that doesn\\™t involve either nudity or forceful entry. It appears she is becoming more confident in her queenly authority since the Cowgirl Incident. Good for her. Okay, momentary side note. Am I the only one who sees Viserys Targaryen in a field of Dothraki grass and immediately thinks of Men Without Hats? I hope not, for that means that all of you, Good People, are too young to get the joke. I know I\\™m not the only one immensely gratified by his slow strangulation and emasculation, forced to walk amongst a tribe of horsemen. Beautiful. More please!

BenJen Stark is one serious dude, People. Like, thousand-yard stare serious. As much as I love The Imp, seeing BenJen take him to task over disdain shown the Night\\™s Watch and his sheltered life warmed my innards a bit. Sometimes it\\™s gratifying to see a rake brought back in line by serious people, but the snarky comments upon the serious person\\™s exit offer double the pleasure.

Ooh\\¦ Dany\\™s got herself a bun in the oven. This changes things markedly, for all the Targaryens, for Drogo and Dany, and for the future course of this storyline. Plus, it appears that downward dog is actually effective for insemination. Who knew? I\\™m in for the ride on this plotline now, as well. Damn you, George R. R. Martin! You\\™ll make me a fantasy geek yet, you clever, ink-stained bastard.

Oh, jeebus! Another darkened room and another old man muttering about winter\\™s infernal approach. Just when I thought I was in, my annoyance pulls me back out. Enough with the grumbling over seasonal change already!

This episode leaves me with greater esteem held for The Imp, his fulfilled desire to piss off the edge of the world and his wise counsel regarding the best starting financial position for the crippled. As well, I am truly intrigued by the new swordswoman that Arya Stark is becoming. This development bodes well for both vengeance and death in the future. Thus… curse The Landlord\\¦I\\™m still in!

Cheers, Good People, and many thanks for both patience and forgiveness.

Beyond The Wall Podcast

Beyond The Wall – Episode 2

Here is “Episode 2” of SpecFicMedia’s launch show, Beyond The Wall – A Game of Thrones Podcast. This podcast will focus on a weekly discussion of the HBO series “Game of Thrones,” with additional discussions of the various media tied to George R.R. Martin’s fantasy series “A Song of Ice and Fire.”

In today’s episode we discuss the second episode (April 24th) of “Game of Thrones.”

Episode 2 – He ran… Not very Fast.

00:00 – Intro

00:30 – Hosts Say Hi – P.G. Holyfield, Chooch, Viv, and Nuchtchas say hi and we introduce our guest panelist (and future permanent co-host), Christiana Ellis. We then go into general impressions of Episode 2.

8:50 – “Nymeria, gloves.” – Relationships, and animals (not with animals). We’ll save that for next season.

13:05 – Slap Joffrey – How are they going to keep Peter Dinklage from stealing the show?

14:35 – Slap Joffrey again. – Just because.

17:20 – “I Lost my first boy.” – These are multi-layered characters. How do they convey this on the show?

20:30 – “All the best swords have names.” – Wow, a non-incestuous familial relationship. Who knew?

21:10 – “First Lesson: Stick them with the pointy end.” – Farewells

24:20 – “Where’s your sense of wonder?” – The Lannisters

30:20  – “Seven Hells!” – The King’s Road

33:15 – “We’ll talk about your mother.” – Starks and Snows

44:50 – “I was 9 when my mother sold me to the pleasure house.” I guess we should talk some about Daenarys.

56:45 – Outro

57:35 – Outtakes

Hosts: P.G. Holyfield (author of Murder at Avedon Hill and SFM Founder)
Nuchtchas (Host of Nutty Bites Podcast)
Chooch (Into the Blender Podcast Co-Host, and bassist of Ditched By Kate)
Vivid Muse (Into the Blender Podcast Co-Host), Girls’ Rules Podcast Host)
Christiana Ellis (too many podcasts to list here 😉 but you can check out all things Christiana at her site.

Contact Us:

Email: btw at
Phone: 6199-BTW-GoT (619-928-9468)
Comments: On the site

Trailers Videogame Trailers

Videogame Trailer – The Next BIG Thing

I have a soft spot in my heart for point-and-click adventure games. “Story” is key in an adventure game, and some of the most fun I’ve ever had gaming was with a good LucasArts or Sierra game. TellTale Games has taken up the mantle in recent years, but there’s another company that has released some solid adventure titles in recent years, Spanish games company Pendulo Studios.

Their latest release is “The Next BIG Thing.”

From the game’s website:

After having put adventure games back in the spotlight with the Runaway trilogy, which captivated more than a million of players worldwide, Pendulo studio is back once again on front stage with The Next BIG Thing, a brand new adventure in high definition (1920×1080), more beautiful, funnier and even more surprising than ever.

A deep and mature story full of references to classic fantastic movies, an original couple of new heroes that we will definitely remember, a cast of fun and engaging characters and monsters, and a great load of humor. Here are some of the simple but catchy ingredients thrown into The Next BIG Thing’s explosive mix. Add Pendulo’s unique and astonishing graphic art, and the result is The Next BIG Thing, an incredible and crazy adventure.

The Next BIG Thing revisits with class and humor the fantastic cinema universe in a modern and funny adventure, packed with references to the genre’s popular movies and series. It offers a story full of comedy, horror, shivers, action, mystery, romance, suspense, twists and turns, lies, monsters, fridges, teleportation cabins, stolen brains, half meter flies, Egyptian bombshells, Mexican werewolves, Australian crocodiles, and\\¦ What? You didn’t think I was going to reveal everything, did you?